I hate myself now. I have two different people living in me.
One is with God and another is with ex-me.
They always conflict with each other. Once I try to wake up, ex-me comes out and starts to talk to me. "You don't have to wake up. You don't have to be busy. Just be yourself." I know it is not right, and I know it is a temptation. However, this temptation is so sweet that I just give up with fighting with ex-me. I am finally persuaded by ex-me.
Surely, while I hear the voice, I also want to hear the Christian one. Nonetheless, while I want to see the faithful one, she is not there. I just want to hear her voice being outloud and want to rejoice her dictatorship. However, she is not there when I need.
She is there when I seek and ask her for help. If I don't talk to her, if I don't explain about my problems, she does not help. It is so sad that I have to talk. Can't you just feel that I'm hurt? Can't you just help me even though I'm not talking? I'm not talking because I'm emotionally hurted so much. I don't have enough energy to explain. As I become emotional and emotional, the ex-me comes closer and closer. I got used to be with her before, but I'm scared that ex-me rules me now. That's why I need you. However, you are so harsh.